This past week I have been asking myself questions about pain.  It seems in my experiences that many people that I have worked with have some form of pain, some have pain that stems from imbalances in joint function and some nerve pain.  I do not have a strong understanding of nerve pain, more importantly I do not have nerve pain and have not yet so I do not have a file on it.  The pain from musculoskeletal issues is one that I have had thus I can feel the effects just by thinking of an experience in the past.  My mind has been on nerve pain lately.  I have been creating experiences lately that show/ force me to feel my body.  The past weekend was great for that.  Friday morning a friend of mine and I were out doing lots of things like running on logs, jumping off of a platform 6 feet high with eyes closed, standing in really cold water, running barefoot on small rocks, and of course for me bear crawling over the small rocks with bare hands and feet as fast as I could.  This was the icing on the cake for me as I kept speeding up and planting hands and feet on top of pointy rocks.  The more it hurt the faster I went, trying to move through my shoulders and hips to allow the energy to move through me (moving like a big cat- whole different topic).  Anyway there I was crawling at high speed over these small rocks on the beach.  Ouch.  So when I was done creating that I stood up and looked at my hands that were littered with pieces of rock burried in my hands.  I went over to the water and dipped them in, now that changed the sensation big time.  So I got up and walked over to Viktor who was being still.  I sat down and the wind began to reach my hands and they exploded.   It felt as though they were on fire, or if I had dunked them in dry ice.  Every time my instinct for comfort tried to move them out of the wind or comfort them my mind said no.  I sat there and felt it for there was nothing else to do at that moment.  I have told people and myself in the past that wishing for something not to be there does not work.  I have asked clients to feel pain and try to make it larger as I way of dispersing it.  I have had people tell me that it works for limited time.  My question is if it works in limited time does that mean it always works it is just a question of our ability to focus like a laser beam.  I will leave that alone.  So anyway I am sitting there on the big rocks looking down at my slightly bloody hands with pieces of rocks in them and feeling the pain.  Now this pain did not drive me over the edge, I guess afterall I created this experience so I was in the drivers seat.  I allowed myself to be in it and feel it as it was presenting itself to me.  Then I began to allow it to grow, to become more and more.  Well it did.  It became larger and more all encompassing, then it just shut off.  I was in a space where I felt everything, heard everything.  I was alive.  Then my focus would shift and the pain would come back.  I tried this several times and each time was the same.  Then my mental body began asking the questions about length of pain whether it was acute or chronic, so it wanted to devalue what had ocurred- no big suprise.  The next experience began with riding my fixed gear road bike Sat and all the pain in my body and voices in my head.  Later that day Lea, Romi, Blaise, Joey ( Blaise’s sons dog) and I went to Thetis lake for some sunny day woods time.  I left my shoes in the car on purpose, I figure if I brought them when the pain got too bad I would put them on.  So I did not give myself that option.  We walked over a gazilion little pointy rocks, like a horrible foot reflexology appointment.  I figure I deserve it after how sometimes I reef on peoples feet.  We got to a picnic spot and it was amazing, overlooking the clear lakes.  There were tons of people out there.  When we decided to walk back I could feel myself going internal and my brain frying.  My day was huge so far as far as movement went.  My body, my mind, and my emotions were done.  This is where I would have put on my shoes, if I had them.  Lea could tell that I was slipping away and she asked me to talk with her I told her to leave me alone, in not a very nice tone.  Romi was saying something and I responded as I dropped off the edge of my tolerance threshold.   I muted the end of my sentence so as not to teach her new words and also upset her and probably start a not so fun experience with Lea.  I was inside feeling the pain of my body and mind watching my internal dialogue carry me away from the beautiful day.  Someone must have come through and put more sharp pointy rocks on the ground while we enjoyed lunch.  The walk back was much more painful.  Everytime I put a foot down on top of a sharp rock I tried to sink into it and absorb it.  As I began to come into the room- so to speak, it began to get easier and the pain lowered its grip on me.  Plus I knew the car and coffee were close.  I think these and other experiences I have created show me the possibilities of focusing our minds to lift us up and over things that may burry us.  For me it is more being with something and not resisting it.  In the past I have always resisted what I did not want which has always made it worse.  These experiences were also short in duration, so they give me a window into what may have been true for that time.  I have not really found the answers, if there are any.  Only more questions.

How do we continually focus our minds over a long period of time as with chronic pain?

Does truly being in the room and not in our heads allow for the pain to subside?

Is it different when you consciously create an experience to show you something, as opposed to having chronic pain.

How does the brain work with this?

I think a pain management workshop would be a good thing, I will ask Blaise and the clients.

So for now I will observe the people who come to me and be with them no matter where they are with their pain.  Maybe ask questions, maybe not.  Maybe show them that in my experience lots of times the pain is a sign that nerves are rebooting and controlled movement is coming.  Of course we never know till that happens.  More questions.  Where is my coffee?