It looks as if we have 5 more days in the basement before we once again move the gym.  At least this will be the last time for a while.  Jason and I have gotten real proficient at moving in just a couple of hours with a uhaul and if we are lucky a couple of strong helpers.  I went to the new gym yesterday and just stood in it picturing the space.  I am excited for the windows and natural light.  The owner of the building is hosting an art exhibition in the whole basement which Dennis said is about 10,000 sq feet so hopefully lots of artists and people will attend the walk through.  September is looking like I will spend less time touching clients and more time organizing, and doing videos for clients and the fundraiser.  I also must open up to organizing myself.  I see my lack of focus on the organization as a major hamper to the gym’s growth.  There are things that should have been set up a long time ago that would make communication and organization much more efficient especially since now I must look for little pieces of paper with writing on them for any info.  I trust in the fact that once I have gotten things in order then the gym will grow, why would it before I have proven that I can do it on this smaller level.  Of course I have alway been resistant to doing that stuff, it is funny to look at the patterns I have set up for what I jump on and what I procrastinate over.  Simple things that trigger resistance in me for whatever reason (actually I create the trigger, nothing does anything to me.  Unless I choose to let it)  are kind of funny.  Simple things like adding client emails and phone numbers to a data base have never been done.  The clients that have spent time with me have seen all this first hand.  With Razelle leaving for her life in Calgary I will have the time to create being an office person.  Maybe I should loose the spandex and put on a tie, or maybe a tie right over the under armour.  The transitions of the seasons seems to be upon us, the air is crisp and cooler.  This transition time is perfect for the move of the gym, the organization of the gym.  Just like the squirrel trying to gather nuts for the winter.

The month I have been so priveledged to spend with Razelle is almost over,  2 days left with maybe 5 or so hours of one on one. She has helped me to open up to so many of my gifts.  We have about 6 hours of film of her doing incredible things.  She and her father came over for dinner the other day and Razelle hit the floor and was crawling like a champ.  Up in a chair to talk with Lea then down on the floor and over to the sofa where Willam and I were.  It was awesome to see it click in her head that she could move all around the floor and have the freedom to create so much movement.  Hell she can walk on her knees pushing a big block or chair or wheelchair.  It will be awesome to hear the stories of how the people she interacts with at home begin to get on the floor with her to support her in creating her life.  I hope they have nice soft floors everywhere.

Morgan and Viktor hosted a party to celebrate the end of their time at the beach house, as could be expected there were many wonderful people there.  Morgan was glowing as she usually does.  I am honored to be able to play with them and co create with them.

Trina just texted me at 530 am, she is up and rolling I guess.  It must be the southern California air.  She is moving here in a month and then we will begin to co create as she transitions into life much farther north.  Trina has been working with an old friend of mine, Jim.  We worked together at PW back in the day.  He is a gamer, always willing to try something cool.  I think of the days where we had Lindsay, Jerry, Jim, Dave, Eric, and I all working with the same clients.  Man oh man that was fun.  Such a different atmosphere than now, not better or worse.  Trina has so much heart energy, I have so much enjoyed the time that I have spent with her and look forward to whatever comes up.

I met with Karen on Friday and we set in motion the plans to do the Adaptive Spin class beginning when the rain comes.  I love that class, an hour of spinning with about 40 minutes of intervals, driven by Peter and Karen.  I usually am not able to talk much due to the chunk of vomit in my throat, so it is awesome to have Peter there.  His energy and expertise are invaluable.  So if it is like last year we will have maybe 6-8 hand cycles on trainers and several road bikes on trainers for the classes.  It is awesome to see the clients that want to workout that hard.  This is not a class for someone that wants to socialize.

This is indeed a time of transition, the end of one thing and the beginning of another.  The rain I guess will turn on here in a bit and then it will do that till July.  For a kid from SoCal that is funny to say.  It would be funnier if I cared.  For resisting the weather is like resisting where one is.

I went to the new gym this morning, I waited till it was getting light before I went there since there is no lights quite yet.  I see the space now it is gonna be awesome.  It will be a very intimate space with tables, a total gym, standing frame, spin bike, a vitaglide, cables/dumbells etc.  Not very much is needed to create the movements we do mostly connection, physical strength, and space.  Think of the child who desires to create movement, in one respect there is not much difference in the child and the people who are coming to visit us.  I heard a quote from Walt Whitman who said the truth was simple if it was complicated everyone would understand it.  There will be natural sunlight so I am looking forward to seeing the great father while interacting with amazing humans.  We are finalizing the details so we can move forward on our second rainy season adaptive spin classes.  I could see it today, awesome 10 or so handcycles on trainers a couple of road bikes on trainers and Karen and Peter.  I am so looking forward to hanging out with them 2x a week and just throddleing myself trying to hold close to Peter.  We are also going to revisit the adaptive fitness classes and work that in as well.  the diversity in the gym during the day neuromuscular and in the evening adaptive.  The other day we were at a friends house and during dinner I was asked about how I move with the clients.  Bev said she had seen some of Jordan’s video and she asked about the space between him and myself.  Then Aurora asked about a space bubble.  I said that it was because of the intimacy that people get better.  Jordan for example had spent 9 years hiding from everyone but his amazing inner circle.  He had to hide, how could he possibly know what was going on, to not have any idea of any experience you are about to have with people who saw him as whatever they did.  So he is so far back into a cave in his world.  Reminds me of the “Wall” and the scene where pinky is running his fingers in the crevases of the wall.  So as Jordan came out into the room with us he got better, he got happier, he got more Jordan.  His and my connection has opened up so much in my world.  Blaise once told me that Jordan would teach me how to work with clients.  He was right, as usual.    So as Jordan and I move around together the fact that we are so intimately connected creates the enviorment  for him to create the desire to move.  Last week he was being the child just as Romi does and then Lea comes in and all of a sudden he is showing me he wants to stand up, so he/we does then he reaches both arms out and Lea grabs his hands and he stands there communicating with her.  I become a fluid very little support standing frame.  After she leaves he goes down to the floor and goes back to being the child.  Lea and Jordan have an amazing connection, ever since she began playing with him he has gotten better.  She is gold in our eyes.  Romi has raised me to be a very wise father.  She only will listen and partake in experiences, anything told is rejected.  What an amazing thing to be shown.  Blaise-ology 101.  Every client and for that part everyone is the same.  So Jordan has created coming out into the room and playing with us.  He plays at home with Diane, she is so incredible.  The strength of courage, determination, and love is incredible.  She has always been there, fighting for Jordan.  Being the only voice or advocate for him.  Jordan’s brother Braedon and dad Phil are wonderful people as well.  So everyone in Jordan’s inner circle is supporting him in being intimate with more moments during the day.  His life force has me in awe, the kid is so determined.  I will watch him focus like a laser beam to create the movement he desires to.  The other day he was kneeling in front of me.  I was supporting him in the movement.  My eyes and attention went to his abdominal area so I gently pushed it and held.  He took his arm on my side from completely relaxed to hitting my right on the cheek.  He went relaxed after that.  That was completely coordinated.  I could not stop laughing, he began to laugh.  Diane has always said he is a trouble maker, a mischief kind a guy.  I love when he is being the child.  What a teacher he is, he shows me how to come into the room and be intimate with him or struggle.  He is so strong when he wants to add angst it is a full blown workout for me and Jason.

I heard a client tell me that we will be open by the first in the new gym.  I am looking forward to Murray coming back and interacting with us.  Also I had a session with Nancy, maybe we will see her a bit in the future- that would be cool.  I began writing this with the intent of recalling my experiences with Vickie.  Oh well.  As my mom has always said you never know what you are going to get with me(apples, oranges, bananas- she always called me fruit salad.  I call it consciousness.  The fundraising committee is in full swing preparing for the societies fundraiser on September 29th.  A fashion show with a silent auction.  I am looking forward to seeing Lea model on the runway.  yummy.  I do hope the ride with Razelle works out today.  Morgan was beautiful enough to loan Razelle a hand cycle.  I was gonna show the Calgary girl the goose.  Welp coffee is gone so I will go.  Create an amazing day

As I sit here enjoying my quiet and coffee I am replaying the files from last week.  When working with several different clients I heard the sounds, Huh? which is usually followed by a small question mark.  I love hearing this sound, especially when doing something the client has done many times before.  To me it tells me that they feel something is different.  As soon as I hear it I look at their eyes to see what is going on, most of the time they are trying to process what they feel.  Awareness, simple awareness brings so much into the world.  As was the case several times with Razelle, I heard Huh? then she felt what it was, then created a file for it.  On 2 occasions that was followed by her creating movement where there was none before.  Circuit opened.  We continued to strengthen that circuit and she was increasing her range of motion that the signal would have strength to create the movement.  I would continue the movement through a gap only for her to find it again towards the end range.  As I looked at her eyes it was like looking into a computer, they were moving very quickly back and forth as if she was downloading something.  Razelle spent the week creating many moments to learn what she was feeling, how to stabilize her hips, how to know when they are off balance, why her back has issues in some positions, how the body is like one big spiral and symptoms and causes are not the same.  This is huge for her, this is the door that leads to functionality.  I have seen over and over again clients focusing on the symptom of their issues and dealing with them in a way that clams them down.  Only to have them continually come back.  Most humans that do not move their body enough in all directions have disfunctional shoulders and scapulas, now lets throw in a high spinal cord injury and sitting in a chair for 12-15 hours a day.  Those shoulders are going to be loosing the battle.  Our client D was going through this when we first began, he would constantly ask us to move and stretch his arm/ shoulder in certain ways.  I would always show him how the things he wanted to stretch were actually the things that needed to be stronger in order to have the resilliency to compete against the opposing dominant muscles.  Also by stretching them you are actually making them weaker and perpetuating the circle of discomfort.  Eventually he opened up to the fact and feeling that his way was not working because he would constantly have to deal with it.  He then began to trust in something different, a new thought process; he asked a different question.  Fairly quickly after that we did not hear about the shoulder/ arm in that way anymore.

I got my ass kicked by an 11 year old last Thursday.  Every since Jordan has felt and learned that by using the bottom of his feet he can begin to stand and create dynamic crawling or knee walking he has been on fire.  This is a kid who for 9 years did not put pressure on his feet, his feet were so hyper sensitive so he is creating the circuits and opening up to reducing pain by creating movement.  Also it is perfect timing for Diane to come back from vacation, not that Phil did not do a great job because he did.  I have watched his connection to Jordan get stronger over the years, but with Diane back Jordan felt at ease to open the emotional doorway.  So now I am in a very demanding position under small load for extended periods of time in order to support Jordan in his creating movement.  I am hunched over in a semi squat holding this 60 pound object that is moving all over the place, trying to promote the freedom of movement while also protecting and ensuring the safety of his physical body.  A very physical dance between him and I where we are right on that edge, not thinking of what could go wrong but being very aware of where I am and where Jordan is.  I worked with him for an hour and a half of which probably all but 15 minutes were dancing, he is finding his feet.  I look back at a year ago when the bottom of my feet were so hyper sensitive and non mobile.  Lea could not even touch them to offer a foot massage.  I was always warned against going barefoot as a child and thus never did, pretty soon it hurt so bad when I did that I did not.  That was programmed in at a very young age.  I perpetuated that programming as I grew older.  A year ago I could not even walk on flat rocks without major discomfort.  I remember watching Blaise run over jagged rocks barefoot so effrotlessly and I was barely walking over them without crying (a slight exaggeration)  The last year was about opening up to allowing the feeling of pain in my feet and watching it and observing my reactions to it.  Slowly over time desensitizing myself to what I feel, low and behold my feet began to come alive.  Now I create running over things that I never even walked over before.  Sensory went down and movement went up.  They were paralysed, Brian the wizard might call it the casting effect.  They came alive.  As do the clients.  I did not have a spinal cord injury but I had paralysed hyper sensitive painful feet, and they have come alive and now create movement without pain.  This is what I see everyday from the clients.  Awareness opens the doorway for us to create the physical body we choose to create.  As we focus on what we desire to create we do, if we focus on where we are then we stay there.  Welp I gotta eat before I go into the gym to dance with the amazing people who come to co create movement with me.

What an amazing experience I created.  Well the idea was initially created by a man in Regina.  I come out and show them what we do in Victoria.  They are new to this niche of exercising with sci and they were hoping to have me empower them to be more efficient with their clients.  I felt awesome going into the plane and coming out of the plane.  I felt like a rock star getting flown to a different location to share how I see/ feel things.  The man had awesome energy, he had always seemed as if he was a wise man with honorable intentions.  After a coffee we headed to his gym.  This gym is an awesome playground.   Tons of open space, rubber floor, lots of cables and versa climbers.  I met and began moving with a woman I had never met before.  I had talked with her on the phone and she had helped organize people for the up coming workshop.  When we met I could feel how special she was.  Her energy was open and her eyes told a story of wisdom and passion.  There were 3 hours of amazing moments, I added bits of angst here and there with words showing her a glimpse into my creative world.  Her body and her intelligence was very happy to be moving around.  We created many things that previously were left untapped.  After close to 3 hours later that went by like 15 minutes we were told that we should be heading to dinner.  So we seperated and and made our way to the restaraunt.  On the way Dan (the owner of the gym) and I talked about many things.  I was very open and honest about many things, how I see things, what is going on in the gym, how the clients respond, etc.  At dinner I met some amazing people who worked for him.  I began to see that there was a different language between their world and my world.  During dinner Dan asked the woman who was moving with me earlier if she felt anything different during our workout.  She looked at him and said (this is my interperatation of what I heard obviously)  It was a total and complete awakening in my body.  After that she looked at me for a moment and she went right through my eyes into my heart.  There was no doubt that we connected on the floor, but to hear her choose her words like that was amazing.  He looked at her and paused.  He quieted the table and asked them to listen as she repeated what she had said.  Going home that night I felt like a million dollars, talk about establishing myself with them, so I thought.  Anyway the workshop was hectic, among the many things I have learned about myself was that I should have taken a much more organizing role in the set up instead of letting them decide.  So as the workshop unfolded after I said all the words that comprised the theory behind the structure of what I do we began to work with 8 clients and 4 trainers.  I tried to get in a connect with each client as fast as possible.  Then I would try and communicate with a trainer on what I felt and what I was looking for and have them try and feel it as well.  As I was shown again as for the past 8 years it is very difficult to feel the slight nuances of creating movement.  The trainers seemed very knowledgable and all have solid educations and experience, well you can throw all that stuff out the window with these clients.  None of that matters, the only thing that matters is connecting with the client and being able to feel the needle in the sometimes hay stack that is the energy of creativity.  I kept asking do you feel this or that to the trainers and it is very hard to feel these things if you are not used to it, especially in a hectic room with many people and their energy adding to the soup of what was happening.  I asked every client we worked with if they enjoyed it and got anything out of it.   Almost everyone said yes and had a beautiful light in their eyes.  These people with the exception of my old friend Chris who actually opened a PW gym there in Regina had no experience with exercising below the level of injury.  At the end of the day I could tell that something was different in Dan, his energy was changing (my interpretation)  Anyway I left and spent a couple hours with my friend Chris and Owner his trainer at First Steps Wellness Center the Project Walk certified gym.  I enjoyed our talks, Owen is passionate and dedicated which is the absolute most important thing in a trainer in this field.  If you can find someone like that you can teach them.  Anyway after dinner I went home and chilled.  I got a text asking from Chris asking if the next day session was cancelled, I said I did not know.  He said ooops sorry I must have been mistaken.  The next morning at coffee I got a text from Dan asking to talk.  He arrived and asked my how I thought it went.  I told him my honest impressions and the things I head learned about how to improve for that day.  That morning I took a very hot bath for and hour or so and just sat and listened to my heart beat echo in the water.  After that I asked myself how to create a better day.  The answers came pouring in as I layed in the state of openness.  After I had relayed that Dan began.  I knew what was coming, not quite to the extent of which it came though.  His thoughts were clear, he was very dissapointed in me and my presentation.  He showed great restraint choosing his words but his feelings were clear.  After telling me that I did far more damage than good he was going to have to do damage control, I was kind of laughing to myself as flashed back to the light in the clients eyes as they were shown a glimpse into what lies dormant in their body.  Anyway I was unable to answer a number of their questions during the presentation because they wanted me to show them what I do but in their language.  That is not how it works.  What happens in Victoria is because the clients are the most important thing, the connection with them is what creates it, not fancy words or certifications, or even information.  So as the coffee unfolded I was left in Regina by myself at 800 in the morning to get to the airport by 700 in the evening as everything was cancelled.  I was left there with the words you can take care of yourself and I will not pay you anything more than the 500.00 I already payed a month ago.  Which I did and was fine.  It is a damn good thing I know who I am and what my gift is.  A wise friend put it into beautiful words, a diamond in a bucket of coal.  I will let that sit with me.  I had no negative emotions or feeling towards the people or the events  that had transpired.  It reminded me a lot of when I went to GF Strong and was ambushed by 20 people all wanting my answers in their language.  I was amazed at the lack of coffee shops in Regina, maybe it was just where i was.  The one I did find had good coffee but no crema, oh the horrors.  poor me.  Anyway after spending 3 hours at both Regina and Calgary airports and a simple fight home I saw the beautiful girls whom I had left 2 days earlier.  Romi and Lea are the most amazing girls I know, beautiful, passionate, loving.  I am so honored to be here now creating my journey with them.  Seperately/ together and together/ seperately.    The lessons I have taken away from this experience will be with me forever.  I created them for me to show me things.  I will not go into details but there were many things, words, movements, that I would choose to create differently next time.

Back in the gym has been amazing, the clients are continuing their healing and we are co creating fantastic things.  I will details some of those in the days to come.   For now let it be said that I am so honored to have been able to co create what happened in Regina.  Had it all gone smooth and well, my ego would have thought I was god.  At least with how things unfolded I am staying in the room focusing on the people who come to me to assist them in creating the movements to create movement.

Thank you so very much Dan for showing me things about myself that I would have never seen if we would have not created all this.  Thank you so very much to the people who come to me for showing me things about myself and my gifts.  Without you there would be no form to me.  What an amazing world we create.  Welcome back Diane.

As I was sitting down at Willows beach the other Friday after a nice barefoot run over the logs and rocks with Viktor I was struck by the beauty of the spaces between the amazing things I was seeing.  There were thick puffy clouds with an amazing blue sky behind giving a stark difference between the two.  As the clouds changed and danced in the winds the line between them changed. Sometimes it ws real easy to see the line because it would be lit up with beautiful radiant gold sun light and sometimes it was more difficult to see as the line blurred.  It seemed as the darker the clouds got the more stark the line between the sky and clouds got.  As I turned my head and looked another direction there was a huge wide line of clouds where that must have gone on for miles.  The space between the clouds and the sky was beautifully glowing it looked as if the glowing was completely still for a long time.  I knew though that that space was ever changing that was where the life was, the energy.  Ebbing and flowing, never stagnet .  At that moment a seagull flew through my vision.  I saw bird, I saw air, I saw the air flowing over and around as the bird moved through it.  Like a boat moving through the water.  I wondered what the line between bird and air looked like, what it felt like.  Was it still and quiet or was it a spot of chaos of order?  As I looked I began to revisit conversations Blaise and I have had about polarities.  I looked at the clouds and saw large ominous objects that blocked the beautiful sun rays from my vision, it was also a bit chilly in the shade.  I looked at the beautiful blue sky feeding everything with the sunshine flowing through it.  I wanted the sun and blue sky.  I did not want the clouds and all the things that came with them.  Then a thought came to me.  If not for the clouds and the sky I would not know what the beautiful golden line between them looks like.  The beautiful brilliant golden line danced and changed as the clouds changed.  The bigger the difference between the 2 things (sky and clouds) the more radiant the line between them got.  When I got stuck looking at the thick clouds and feeling the chilly damp air I would become enveloped by the sensations of wishing for them not to be there.  Wishing for life to be different than it was, suffering.  When I got stuck looking at the beautiful blue sky I was filled with feelings of warmth and beauty, wishing for more of that.  Only to get taken away by the cloud that just moved into the path of the sunlight.  Don’t block my sun, I want the sun, not the clouds.  Oh please cloud go away.  As I watched the dance in the sky and listened to the dance of the voices in my head I truly saw where the beauty lies.  If I know the sky and I know the clouds that will show me where the line between them is.  That is where the magic is.  That is where the freedom is.  That is where I choose to create putting my focus.  I just flashed back to an experience when I was younger and learning how to drive.  My brother and I went out on an icy day to the high school parking lot.  Our mission on that cold day was to see how loose we could get the car and bring it back into line.  Or just plain do doughnuts.  So as we began driving and using all the space the parking lot afforded us by being out of control then in control I began to become accustomed to letting the car go and finding the perfect moment to snap it back into line.  Of course most of the time it would just spin around until it would stop on its own.  I can remember one time where the back end swung way out to the left then I countered with the wheel and it over corrected and swung way out to the right.  This replayed itself several times each time going way to the left then way to the right.  Then I corrected with the wheel at the right time with the right force and the car found the middle and began driving straight again.  Looking back on it now it was necessary for me to really see the car out of control on both sides before I could find the middle.  Maybe a mundane example.  Flash forward to now, sitting waiting for Romi to wake up drinking coffee.  The more I know what up is and the more I know what down is, the more I am able to see where the line between them is.  Getting stuck in my desire for either up or down creates me as the victom to the circumstance.  Riding in the space between up and down creates the freedom to move effortlessly between the 2 without attaching myself to either side.  FREEDOM.

As I bring this into a concrete vision I look at the gym now and what is happening.  The space has been filled with the most amazing healing moments since December.  Myself and the clients riding their own waves of creativity going as far as the limitations we all place on ourselves will allow.  The gym has had some amazing people visiting from Alberta and BC.  What a pleasure to be able to go into a space and co create everyday.  Over the past week things have mellowed.  Vickie left to rejoin her life in Nelson.  Greg created taking a week off.  Morgan just told me that she wishes to create coming in one day a week.  The creative energy still fills the moments with clients, there is just less time being spent doing that.  Add into the mix the month of July being littered with vacation time for Jason and I.  There ya go.  Another cycle, up/ down.  I trust in the fact that cycles come and go and the gym will soon enough be filled with people who all come here because they want to create their life and their healing, as I do my own.  So for now I will basque in the sunlight, relax, enjoy what client time there is, and prepare for my presentation in Regina next month.  I am excited to play with Jordan today, he turned 11 last Thursday and is doing some amazing things everyday.  Maybe Greg will decide to come in, maybe Jamie, maybe Dennis.  If someone shows up I will play otherwise I will create my videos for the power point.